The dispositive motion, Reader's Digest version
Dear opposing counsel,
Bite me.
Respectfully submitted,
APL
(Days like these, I wonder why there are lawyers who DON'T want to be litigators. It can be so fucking fun sometimes.)
Bite me.
Respectfully submitted,
APL
(Days like these, I wonder why there are lawyers who DON'T want to be litigators. It can be so fucking fun sometimes.)
posted by Angry Pregnant Lawyer at 12:01 AM
13 Comments:
Glad you're enjoying it, APL!
It ain't all that different on the corporate side. Except we're not as respectful.
One time, I raised my voice on a negotiation call with the associate on the other side. About an hour later, my boss calls me to tell me that her boss called him to complain that I've been yelling at her. We shared a good laugh.
Go in-house. You'll feel better.
That reminded me of this.
M&Co at MyOwnCircleofConfusion
Have you ever wondered why there is no "Motion to Dismiss On the Grounds That Your Claim is Really Freaking Stupid?"
My theory is that it's because about 90% of attorneys would be out of work in a week, but that could just be me being cynical.
Just once, just once, I wish I could file an honest defense to a PI case: "Your client is a drunken ne'er-do-well high-school-dropout who delivers sandwiches for a living at 40 and injured themselves after a night of heavy imbibing on a product that hadn't been properly maintained since it was made twenty years ago. They think they've won the PI lottery and can sit around playing XBox 360 and taking painpills on my client's dime for the rest of their lives. Screw them, screw you, and screw the horses you both rode in on. We move for dismissal and the plaintiff's public flogging."*
Ooooh, would that feel good.
M
*Facts changed to represent a hypothetical plaintiff in a typical consumer-goods PI case: no actual person fits this profile and any resemblence to any actual person or case is coincidental and simply indcates a guilty conscience.
I just snorted! Thanks for the laugh.
Bwahahaha!
This doesn't work in court, as you probably know. Opposing counsel will protest to the judge, claiming "facts not entered into evidence." Namely, that you are bite-able and wishing to be bitten.
Hold it. I've written that motion before. Was that a bad thing?
Wouldn't it be great if you could write a motion like that? It woudl save a lot of hassle!
Hee! Love it. :)
BTW, whenever I read your blog I always think of Miranda from Sex and the City. It's not that *you* remind me of Miranda (you don't), it's just that "angry pregnant lawyer" seems a fitting nickname for her character. :-D
Love it.
I SO would have loved to file that as a motion when I was still practicing. Maybe I could amend?
As an HR Generalist, I would love to say these words! Can I please borrow them?
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