Thursday, August 09, 2007

The dispositive motion, Reader's Digest version

Dear opposing counsel,

Bite me.

Respectfully submitted,


(Days like these, I wonder why there are lawyers who DON'T want to be litigators. It can be so fucking fun sometimes.)


Anonymous Genevieve said...

Glad you're enjoying it, APL!

10:58 AM, August 09, 2007  
Blogger Rattling The Kettle said...

It ain't all that different on the corporate side. Except we're not as respectful.

One time, I raised my voice on a negotiation call with the associate on the other side. About an hour later, my boss calls me to tell me that her boss called him to complain that I've been yelling at her. We shared a good laugh.

Go in-house. You'll feel better.

12:06 PM, August 09, 2007  
Blogger M&Co. said...

That reminded me of this.
M&Co at MyOwnCircleofConfusion

1:28 PM, August 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever wondered why there is no "Motion to Dismiss On the Grounds That Your Claim is Really Freaking Stupid?"

My theory is that it's because about 90% of attorneys would be out of work in a week, but that could just be me being cynical.

Just once, just once, I wish I could file an honest defense to a PI case: "Your client is a drunken ne'er-do-well high-school-dropout who delivers sandwiches for a living at 40 and injured themselves after a night of heavy imbibing on a product that hadn't been properly maintained since it was made twenty years ago. They think they've won the PI lottery and can sit around playing XBox 360 and taking painpills on my client's dime for the rest of their lives. Screw them, screw you, and screw the horses you both rode in on. We move for dismissal and the plaintiff's public flogging."*

Ooooh, would that feel good.


*Facts changed to represent a hypothetical plaintiff in a typical consumer-goods PI case: no actual person fits this profile and any resemblence to any actual person or case is coincidental and simply indcates a guilty conscience.

10:33 AM, August 10, 2007  
Blogger ccw said...

I just snorted! Thanks for the laugh.

4:53 PM, August 10, 2007  
Blogger liz said...


4:59 PM, August 10, 2007  
Blogger Neel Mehta said...

This doesn't work in court, as you probably know. Opposing counsel will protest to the judge, claiming "facts not entered into evidence." Namely, that you are bite-able and wishing to be bitten.

6:24 PM, August 11, 2007  
Blogger Lawyer Mama said...

Hold it. I've written that motion before. Was that a bad thing?

10:27 AM, August 12, 2007  
Blogger Seeking Solace said...

Wouldn't it be great if you could write a motion like that? It woudl save a lot of hassle!

11:32 AM, August 12, 2007  
Anonymous *Justine* said...

Hee! Love it. :)

BTW, whenever I read your blog I always think of Miranda from Sex and the City. It's not that *you* remind me of Miranda (you don't), it's just that "angry pregnant lawyer" seems a fitting nickname for her character. :-D

4:23 PM, August 13, 2007  
Anonymous lawmummy said...

Love it.

4:10 PM, August 15, 2007  
Blogger PunditMom said...

I SO would have loved to file that as a motion when I was still practicing. Maybe I could amend?

8:15 PM, August 16, 2007  
Anonymous Jill Asher said...

As an HR Generalist, I would love to say these words! Can I please borrow them?

12:11 AM, August 17, 2007  

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