Thursday, June 08, 2006

Escalator morons

I had to go to the mall the other day, and while there I encountered not 1 but 2 escalator morons. The first was a middle-aged guy who was talking to his friend. I was walking behind them, not too closely but close enough that they should have been aware of my presence. Guy #1 got on the escalator, which was only wide enough for one person to ride per step. I continued to walk toward the base of the escalator, assuming that Guy #2 would hop right on and keep talking to his friend. Guy #2, however, placed both hands on the slow-moving handrails and kept his feet firmly on the grate in front of the moving steps. As I waited impatiently behind him, he eventually picked up his damned fool feet and got on the actual escalator steps. I had been half a nanosecond away from coughing very loudly, hoping I'd shame and/or scare the shit out of him. Alas, there was no need. So I silently seethed behind him on the way up.

The second escalator moron was one of the few adults who still seem to be apprehensive about the scary-moving-stairs. Again, she knew I was behind her, and we both drew near the top of the escalator. She came to a complete stop a step or two ahead of me at the top of the escalator, as I kept moving toward it. Rather than just getting on, she tentatively stuck out her foot, waiting for THREE steps to go by before she finally, gingerly stepped aboard. Meanwhile, I'm standing there looking over her shoulder wondering why it's MY day to encounter the escalator morons. Happily, she had no similar trepidation getting off the escalator, so we avoided what would have been a nasty, painful crash.

If you don't know how to use the escalator, you should be required to use the elevator.

Also, go Sox.


Anonymous Claire said...

That's pronounced MOE-RON 'round these parts.

11:24 PM, June 08, 2006  
Blogger Neel Mehta said...

Really? It's pronounced "Yankee fan" over here.

3:30 AM, June 09, 2006  
Anonymous nutso-ranter said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one bothered by escalator "moe-rons". How about instead of all of this ridiculous math, English, and geography testing as part of the "No Child Left Behind" we train high school students in something really useful? Like escalator etiquette? I mean, they really could get left behind if they don't know how to get on the escalator (a la Moe-ron #2). What if the elevator is out that day?

8:21 AM, June 09, 2006  
Anonymous Anne Glamore said...

I'm so talented that I used to be able to go up the escalator WITH a side by side stroller full of boys - twins and a 3 year old crouched in the cargo area.

I just noticed that they put up a sign banning strollers on that particular escalator.

11:49 AM, June 09, 2006  
Blogger liz said...

Also, what's with the folks who don't know it's STAND RIGHT?

Honestly, if I have to bump up against another pair of chattering yaboes standing two abreast on an escalator, I'm gonna have to bite their kneecaps off.

4:44 PM, June 09, 2006  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Dumbasses. I also can't stand people who don't know how to just WALK in the mall. They'll stop in the middle of the aisle, and you're stuck behind them! GRRR!

YAY! Go Red Sox! My father in law said the first thing he is teaching this baby is to say "Yankees suck!"

4:57 PM, June 09, 2006  
Blogger Uccellina said...

When my parents were visiting recently, I noticed for the first time that my mother has the escalator-hesitation thing. She says she's always been like that. Her eyesight isn't great, but I don't know if that's why she's nervous.

5:01 PM, June 09, 2006  
Blogger Rev Dr Mom said...

In defense of the hesitant woman...I have a very slight problem with depth perception(the result of uncorrected "lazy eye") that means I need to be very sure of where the step is when I get on an escalator--usually it only really matters when I am going down, not up. For the same reason I refuse to run down the stairs in a subway station. I always try to stay to the right out of the way, but I know it still annoys people.

10:54 PM, June 11, 2006  
Blogger The Locke said...

I stumbled upon your blog entry looking for pictures of escalators for my most recent post. It is too bad you did not run into me this past Friday, I could have been your 3rd escalator moron.

3:08 PM, June 26, 2006  

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