Monday, January 16, 2006

No, you don't know me

Just when I'd completely forgotten about Cookie magazine, guess what shows up in the mail Saturday? An exortation to subscribe!

Here's part of their pitch:

If you don't care about how to cut sandwiches into cute little stars...

Um, even someone as undomestic as I am knows how to do that--you use a cookie cutter.

If you've vowed never to dress your child in anything with a licensed character on it...

Vowed never to...?! Angry Boy's coolest shirts are his Yoda T (which reads "Size matters not") and his Darth Vader T (which reads "Who's your daddy?"). And you all are on notice: if you ever see Muppet Show clothes in toddler sizes, you must let me know where to get them!

If you want everything you do and buy for your child to be the best it can possibly be, and nothing less...

Oh, NOW I get it. This is a magazine for people having their first child, because anyone who has already raised one child knows that if you intend to settle for nothing less than the best, you will go crazy trying to live up to some unachievable standard.

...COOKIE is the magazine for you.


OK, so as if we didn't know before, we have now established that Cookie is most definitely not the magazine for me.

The magazine for me? 'Peddle That Shit Elsewhere' Weekly.

14 Comments:

Blogger Lawmummy said...

Love it. I totally agree. And ditto for "Child" magazine where I once saw a how-to for a Halloween costume made out of shantung silk.

4:54 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger Running2Ks said...

Sounds to me like that cookie "bites" LOL!

5:39 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger susan said...

That's pretty funny, APL.

Most of the people I know who are seriously averse to liscensed characters on kidswear are also pretty seriously averse to the notion that everything always has to be "best"--that is, they're into preschool coops, homemade bubbles and edible playdough and other sort of homespun stuff.

Makes me think about another one of those bizarro NYT articles where the parents were paying tons of money for a combination gym/childcare center membership. Some people....

8:00 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger liz said...

Did I ever tell you about the dry-clean-only outfit my parents once bought for my son? In a 6 months-old size?

I don't dry-clean my own clothes, I'm damned if I'll dryclean his!

11:27 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

I didn't even know they made dry-clean-only baby clothes!

8:37 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger ccw said...

Totally agree. I never got into these magazines with kid 1 or kid 2. Given that I grew up with a working poor mother, but consider my childhood to have been wonderful I can personally attest that none of this stuff will make your child have a wonderous childhood. The only side-effect might be the hoarding of cats...

11:20 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

The first ad I saw for cookie made me throw up a little in my mouth. I haven't even had my first child and I still think it is RIDICULOUS.

I'll subscribe to your magazine, APL.

11:29 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger mc said...

If you get a chance, check out this story about the real estate woes of Cookie's ed in chief:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/12/garden/12cookie.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1137547627-RReV2oZJc+IxWfq5Sdzzqw

About the editor's two-year-old, they write: "Last week Henry's parents had set up his new cream-colored canvas tepee in their living room, where, indeed, it played quite nicely with the sheepskins and Borge Mogensen chairs."

Ugh.

8:28 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Phantom Scribbler said...

Ok, I went to prep school so I will say it: little Henry and all of his best-of-everything peers are going to have wicked substance abuse problems in high school.

Where can I get that Yoda t-shirt, APL???

10:03 AM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

I got my little niece a T-shirt once from the Philly Stock Exchange that said "Short Seller". Only derivatives geeks like me thought it was funny.*

*A short seller is someone who sells something that he doesn't own in order to speculate on downward price movements. SHORT seller...get it?

12:50 PM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Cool shirt, HIN. I took Biz Law and Econ & Law in school, so I'm familiar with the term "short seller." But I couldn't have explained what one does, so thanks for the refresher.

I've seen little baby clothes that say "Attorney Work Product." I've got to get some of those.

2:14 PM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger KLee said...

APL -- if you go to the Muppet's website (http://muppets.go.com or simply www.muppets.com) they have a thing in the shop where you can design your own Muppets t-shirts. They have four pages of different Muppets designs. I'm thinking about making one or two myself!

The sizes go from infant creepers to adults. :) There are also things to download, and lots of fun stuff to click on! :) Enjoy!

5:18 PM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Oooo, thank you, KLee!

10:26 PM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger KLee said...

I hope you find some cool stuff there! Let me know if you decide to make anything!

10:07 PM, January 19, 2006  

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