We want the funk

During the car ride home from daycare, I played DJ with my iPod and fielded the following requests from Angry Boy:

• "I on your sye?" TRANSLATION: On Your Side, Pete Yorn


• "Yor byoo-full?" TRANSLATION: You're Beautiful, James Blunt


• "We listen to funk?" TRANSLATION: Up for the Down Stroke, Parliament

I also played Wild Cherry's Play that Funky Music (White Boy), but after enjoying the opening, he became unhappy with the lyrics and began shaking his head and saying, "No white boy, no white boy!" Um, OK.

A cheap laugh

But a really, really good one:

Check out CCW's post on her neighbors' (unintentionally?) illicit lights display.

Post-holiday buzz

NSAH, talking about AB's impending appointment tomorrow morning:

"I hope he's good at the vet tomorrow... I mean, pediatrician's."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Well, I took a look today at my mid-November movie goals, and I am woefully behind. Of those on the list, I've only seen HP4 (excellent) and The Ice Harvest (a movie that tried to tackle at least 3 different genres and failed at all of them). But all is not lost. I am hoping to play mid-day hooky and go see Syriana some time this week. This city is dead in the week between Christmas and New Year's. And, though I have work to do, I have plenty of time to get it done. Plus, one of my artsy-fartsy movie friends will be around for the upcoming 3-day weekend, so I'm sure she'd be up for some Brokeback Mountain or Good Night, and Good Luck.

RIP "Hey, it's that guy"

Vincent Schiavelli died yesterday at the age of 57.

*sound of class bell ringing*
CLASS: Awww!
MR. KERBER: No, no, no. I'll see you all tomorrow. Just remember to memorize pages 39 to 110 for tomorrow's lesson.
CLASS: Alright!

Domo Arigato

Robot
You are 57% Rational, 0% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 0% Arrogant.

You are the Robot! You are characterized by your rationality. In fact, this is really ALL you are characterized by. Like a cold, heartless machine, you are so logical and unemotional that you scarcely seem human. For instance, you are very humble and don't bother thinking of your own interests, you are very gentle and lack emotion, and you are also very introverted and introspective. You may have noticed that these traits are just as applicable to your laptop as they are to a human being. In short, your personality defect is that you don't really HAVE a personality. You are one of those annoying, super-logical people that never gets upset or flustered. Unless, of course, you short circuit.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Class Clown.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Emo Kid, and the Haughty Intellectual.






Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Beat

Had a good day. Am full of sugar, but it's not keeping me awake. I'll probably crash soon. I'm having a bit of a posting block right now, so I'm just going to list the stuff I just bought on iTunes with my gift certificate (a present from Not So Angry Husband):

1. "Table for One," Liz Phair


2. "Trouble Sleeping," The Perishers


3. "Daylight Savings Time," Josh Rouse


4. "I Believe in Father Christmas," Greg Lake


5. "You're Beautiful," James Blunt


6. "Home," Marc Broussard


7. "Blue Ink," Laura Veirs


8. "Smoke From a Distant Fire," Sanford & Townsend (shut up, it's good)


9. "Run," Snow Patrol (I just typed Snot Patrol--shades of running after AB with a tissue)


10. "Guilty Cubicles," Broken Social Scene (a band recommended by my old friend C.)


11. "Tougher Than It Is," Cake


12. Video for "Lazy Sunday," Andy Samberg & Chris Parnell


13. "Sugar, We're Goin' Down," Fall Out Boy


14. "Only," NIN (Thanks, Neel, for reminding me I didn't own it)


15. "No Matter What," Def Leppard


16. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," Aimee Mann


17. the album Mr. Hollywood Jr., 1947 by Michael Penn

Also got The Weight is a Gift by Nada Surf from my mom. Must take some time and listen to that, too. If only I didn't have to work for ... oh, another month. That would be nice.

"That's really all I have right now"

I read this post over at Blonde Justice while I was at work. I couldn't stop laughing. And the very last line of the post reminds me of Bill McNeal, so that's just the icing on the cake.

Somebody get the President a dictionary

retroactive: adj.; extending in scope or effect to a prior time or to conditions that existed or originated in the past; especially: made effective as of a date prior to enactment, promulgation, or imposition

---------------------------------------

Bush told a news conference that he still wants investigators to seek warrants in many cases from a secret foreign intelligence surveillance court, as required by a 1978 federal law. But he said authorities should be able to act outside that framework when the government needs "to move quickly to detect" plotting of terrorism between people in the United States and abroad.

You see where I'm going with this? The FISA court can issue warrants retroactively. So telling Americans that you can't be bothered by adhering to the law because time is of the essence and you need to move quickly is a big fat lie.

I don't know and I don't care

There's a post at Pandagon asking about agnostics. Interesting timing, because - given the time of year - I had been crafting in my head a post about my beliefs, if you can call them "beliefs."

I am an agnostic. More than that, my views on God are like that old joke about the difference between ignorance and apathy: I don't know and I don't care.

I say "I don't know" because I don't think I'll ever know - not while I'm alive on this earth - whether there's a god. Besides, I think of religion and even simple abstract spirituality as something taken on faith, not forged with the certainty of knowledge.

I say "I don't care" because regardless of whether God exists, I can't imagine living my life any differently than I do now. I am exceedingly irritated by people who exhort myself and others like me to embrace religion so that we may be guided by "morality." As if the certified and complete absence of a god would turn me into a thieving, backstabbing, hateful individual. It's not fear of punishment that keeps me from harming my fellow man - it's my desire to be a good person, to make a positive mark on the world for the short time I'm in it. I often think about how to be more generous, how to be more understanding, and how to be more patient... whereas I hardly ever even think about whether there is a god, whether Jesus was just an exceptionally kind-hearted person or the Son of God.

I wish I had a better memory. Talking about my "beliefs" reminds me of two things, and I'm sorry I cannot direct you via links to either one. One is the SportsNight episode in which Natalie is upset that the pope has said there's no hell. She's very agitated by that, until Jeremy reminds her that it doesn't matter. He tells her that the existence or non-existence of hell has no bearing on her life: she is a good person and thus will continue to strive to be good to others.

The second thing is an article by Gregg Easterbrook years and years ago in The New Republic about religion and existentialism. All I can recall about that piece right now, years later, is the ending. Easterbrook notes at the end of the piece that even the absence of a god does not make our lives here on earth meaningless. Indeed, if this, if we are all we have, that makes what we do here, on earth, together and for each other, so incredibly meaningful. I very much agree with that notion. And it's that type of existentialism that guides me through the Christmas hype, the stress, and the general craziness that can afflict us at this time of year.

"Seven days" was all she wrote...*

CCW didn't tag anyone in particular, so I hopped on:

Seven things to do before I die:
1. Travel to Australia and New Zealand
2. Travel to Croatia (and possibly stalk Goran Visnjic, but that part's not necessary)
3. Travel to the Grecian Isles
4. Travel to Egypt to see the Pyramids
5. Fly first class
6. Shop my screenplay around and (maybe) sell it
7. Enjoy watching my boy grow up

Seven things I can (or will) not do:
1. Be mean to a dog (cats, maybe)
2. Be around snakes for more than 10 minutes
3. Wear contacts (thank God and genetics for good vision)
4. Whistle through my teeth
5. Have a video game system in my house (that's what computers are for)
6. Listen to Toby Keith
7. Live on the West Coast

Seven things that attract me to my spouse:
1. His eyes (hidden behind those dirty glasses so no one else can see them)
2. His hair (although I think he could use sideburns)
3. His silliness ("Well, we are fond of the silliness...")
4. His big brain
5. His backrubs
6. His stubble
7. He is the most trustworthy and honest human being I've ever met

Seven things I say most often:
1. [Small Dog], no!
2. You're so pretty.
3. Go!
4. That being said, ...
5. Dammit!
6. Yay! (I don't just type it here--I actually do say it)
7. Can you do me a favor?

Seven books (or series) I love (these aren't necessarily my top 7, but they are 7 I love):
1. The Book of Three (series) by Lloyd Alexander
2. A Wrinkle in Time (series) by Madeleine L'Engle
3. Postcards From the Edge by Carrie Fisher
4. A Widow For One Year by John Irving
5. Lie Down in Darkness by William Styron
6. Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver
7. Carter Beats the Devil by Glen David Gold

Seven movies I watch over and over again (I am a movie freak and could watch a billion movies over and over again, so here are just the first 7 I thought of):
1. Grand Canyon
2. X-Men 2
3. Scotland, PA
4. Out of Sight
5. Groundhog Day
6. Clueless
7. Bull Durham

* Coolness points to the first person to cite the reference in the post title.

Make it so, Numbah One!

As seen at TSC Girl Tees Off:

An accomplished diplomat who can virtually do no wrong, you sometimes know it is best to rely on the council of others while holding the reins.

There are some words which I have known since I was a schoolboy. "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." These words were uttered by Judge Aaron Satie -- as a wisdom, and warning. The first time any man's freedom is trodden on, we're all damaged.

Patrick Stewart kicks ass in everything. "American Dad," the X-Men movies, "Saturday Night Live".

We're a close family

The phone rings around 9:20 p.m. I know it's my mom when the phone rings, because I had left a message for her earlier, asking her to call me. Here is the conversation:

APL: Hello?
MOM: Hi, it's me. I'm peeing.
APL: (laughing) The hell?! What... why... Just...
MOM: Well, I just got back and I had to pee.
APL: So why did you call? Pee, and then call me!
MOM: Well, I didn't want to call too late.
APL: Mom, it's 9:20! It's not late. We'll be up another 2 minutes!
MOM: OK, you want me to pee and then call you back?
APL: Yes. Please.
MOM: OK.
APL: Bye.
MOM: Bye.

This is why I am the way I am.

The planets have aligned

In other words, I don't feel like working any more on this thing I've got due tomorrow, and I've been tagged by Courtney to do this 5 simple pleasures thing. I don't know what exactly qualifies as a "simple" pleasure anymore, so I just listed 5 things that make me happy.

1. Watching NewsRadio DVDs with my husband. I can't explain why, but I get so happy when we sit down to watch a few episodes on Friday nights. Very eager for season 3 to come out.

2. Watching Angry Boy stare at our admittedly small but well decorated Christmas tree.

3. Getting to see a movie - any movie - in a movie theater. I guess this counts as a simple pleasure that's not so simple these days.

4. Singing loudly while alone in my car.

5. Not having to set an alarm on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Corndogapalooza II: Acoustic Boogaloo

Excellent evening, I must say. Corndog brought the house down with his tunes. And I felt cool 'cause I knew one of the performers. As I sat there, swigging a beer in a darkened coffee house, listening to great music, I thought: "This is pretty sweet. Life is good."

No matter that I had to come back home and do some work. NSAH recorded "Arrested Development," so we get to watch that together. Yay.

Things I've learned from Sitemeter

Wow, a lot of people out there really want to know whether Maura Tierney is pregnant.

I'm not selling sheep

One of my best friends - one of the smartest and sweetest people I know - is the Queen of Misheard Lyrics.

I discovered this when we roomed together in college. We were listening to some AC/DC. These are the words that came out of QML's mouth:

She was a death machine
She kept her motor clean...

Hahahahaha. Another classic was when we were listening to Whitesnake.

QML: (singing) Here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I've ever known.
Like a victor I was born to walk alone...
APL: Hold up! Did you just sing "like a victor I was born to walk alone"?!
QML: Um... "like a ... twister"?
APL: Oh, Jesus God.

Because of her propensity toward misheard lyrics, my other friends and I often had fun at her expense. Like the time we tried to convince her that Oasis was singing:

I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About your cow.

We were at Miami Subs when the song came on, and we were making up the lies on the fly. My friend B. came up with, "Yeah, the Gallagher brothers converted to Hinduism, and they believe cows are sacred.* That's why they're singing about how nobody feels about cows the way they do." I played along as best as I could. Everytime the chorus came up, B. and I had to sing over the actual chorus, in order to convince my friend.

Then there was a later time, when QML and B. had come to visit me, and we convinced her that Courtney Love was singing "I'm not selling sheep" instead of "I'm not selling cheap."

QML is going to be a mommy next month. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when she starts singing lullabyes to the baby.

* This bit about Hindus believing cows are sacred is not true, but we were making shit up left and right just trying to convince her.

Something in the water?

Unplanned Pregnancies on ER

1. Doug and Carol


2. Mark (Maahhhk) and Elizabeth


3. Susan and Chuck (Donal Logue, we hardly knew ye)


4. Chen and Morris Chestnut (thanks for the correction, Justine!)


5. Carter and Kem


6. Luka and Nicole (which I should've had permanently erased from my memory)

and, most recently


7. Abby and Luka

Planned Pregnancies on ER

1. Kerry and Sandy

Edited to add: In the past twelve hours, 3 different people have found this site searching "Maura Tierney pregnant." I think it's just the character, folks (unlike Alex Kingston, Ming Na, and Sherry Stringfield, who really were pregnant).

I'm something you cough up?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

I'd say that's a pretty accurate description, actually.
Laid back? Check.
Cool and collected? Check.
Difficult to offend? Check.
Unemotional? Check

I disagree with the "at your worst" statements, though... to the point where this:

"You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment"

made me laugh out loud.

Small fears

The three of us were at the dinner table, eating our pizza. Angry Boy was holding his slice in his right hand, down near his armrest, but was looking at me. Well, just then, our dog started nibbling the slice. I pointed that out to AB, and made him move his slice back to his plate. After that, for the rest of dinner, AB kept saying, "I'm afraaiiiiiiid" and reaching out to me, the way he does when he's upset in a crowd.

"You're afraid?"
"Um-hmm."
"What are you afraid of?"
"He eat my pizza."
"You're afraid [Small Dog] is going to eat your pizza?"
"Yes."
"It's OK, he's not going to eat your pizza. Just don't hold it down so low."

We had this same conversation three more times before dinner ended. I tried not to laugh, but eventually I couldn't help it. He really did have a mixture of fear and sadness on his face when he reached out to me. It was so pathetic. It sounds mean, but I don't mean it in a cruel way. It's not like he was afraid of Small Dog--he was afraid that Small Dog would eat his pizza slice. He is so my child.

Most Played Songs

I was prompted to list my iTunes most-played songs after seeing Phantom's list of her most-played songs. Of course, unlike Phantom, I don't have to share my iPod with anyone, so the songs on my list are only those which I choose to play. Which means the list is sort of homogenous.

Four of the 10 most-played songs on my list are off of Aimee Mann's latest, The Forgotten Arm, which is odd because I purchased that album back in May but hardly ever listened to it then. I mean, I listened to it once right off the bat, but none of the songs jumped out at me or stuck with me. Whereas with her previous one, Lost in Space, I was hooked right away. I really didn't start listening to The Forgotten Arm until October or even November. And now I'm hooked. The 4 songs on the album that are on my 10-most-played list are "Beautiful," "Dear John," "Going Through the Motions," and "I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up For Christmas," which is probably my favorite, because I find it darkly funny.

The remaining songs on the list are:

• "Over My Head (Cable Car)" by The Fray, which was on an episode of ER this season and has really grown on me. Plus, it's in my key, so I sing along (loudly) in the car.


• "Best of You" by the Foo Fighters. Not in my key, so to compensate for my off-key warbling, I crank it up and am drowned out by Dave Grohl's intensity.


• "Because of Toledo" by the Blue Nile. Little too dreary. I've stopped listening to it as much.


• "Reminiscing" by Little River Band. Back in my post-college, graveyard-shift days, after work we'd all head over to the bar in order to drink a few beers in the hour or so before last call. We'd put our money in the jukebox and play pool, and this was one of the songs I always put on. This, and Petty's "Even the Losers."


• "Club Foot" by Kasabian. I still have no idea what they're saying.


• "Baker Street" by Gerry Rafferty. Always makes me think of the Simpsons episode where Lisa plays the sax solo at the end.

That's me, short and plain

As seen at TSC Girl:

YOU ARE RULE 8(a)!

You are Rule 8, the most laid back of all the
Federal Rules of Civil Procedure. While your
forefather in the Federal Rules may have been a
stickler for details and particularity, you
have clearly rebelled by being pleasant and
easy-going. Rule 8 only requires that a
plaintiff provide a short and plain statement
of a claim on which a court can grant relief.
While there is much to be lauded in your
approach, your good nature sometimes gets you
in trouble, and you often have to rely on your
good friend, Rule 56, to bail you out.


Which Federal Rule of Civil Procedure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And everything is right with the world

God, I love Alex Ovechkin.

God, I love Greg Lake. (Just heard this song for the first time this Christmas season--always been one of my favorites.)

God, I love my co-workers, some more than others.

God, I love my friends, who don't care if I call them after 10 p.m. just because I have to use their potty and they live close by.

God, I love Dane Cook.

God, I love my husband, who doesn't mind my weirdness, or frisky-in-public-ness.

And...

(...wait for it...)

... God, I love having 3 beers in a short time frame (yes, my tolerance has gone to hell).

To reiterate:

Hockey rules.
Comedy rules.
Friend rules.
Beer rules.
NSAH rules.

Giddy or drunk? YOU be the judge.

Laughed my ass off at the following, which a friend sent me today:

I saw a Jeep today with a license plate that said: "WTFOMG". Was that a 12- or 13-year-old girl driving?

Hahahahahahahaha.

Inappropriate

I am watching one of my favorite NewsRadio episodes, "Inappropriate." And, since I am most definitely not pregnant* (unlike several of my bloggy and real-life pals), I have filled up on the yummiest sushi ever (spicy tuna roll) and am currently drinking a beer. Hooray for beer! Hooray for yummy sushi! Hooray for any Maura Tierney character gettin' some.

Can you tell I'm happy it's the weekend?



*Yes, there was a possibility. Peed on a stick and everything.

Work Can Wait, Procrastinate... More!

Doesn't have the same ring to it, but I saw this at Pilgrim/Heretic, and it's soooooo cool.

Here's my creation:

Work can wait, Procrastinate!

Saw this at Suzanne's place, Mimilou. I added No. 9:

1. What 3 albums would you take on a road trip, if music was the only companionship you had?
Dazed and Confused, Soundtrack Vol. 1. (Vol. 2, too, if it's a long trip)
Lost and Gone Forever, Guster
The Complete Greatest Hits, America

2. You are in the worst. Mood. Ever. Name three songs that would cheer you up.
Anything by the B-52s (I can't NOT dance when I hear them)
"Big Country" by Big Country
"Short Skirt/Long Jacket" by Cake

3. Your in-laws just called. (First off, that never happens. It's my crazy family that won't leave us alone, God love 'em.) They are in town unexpectedly and want to drop by for coffee in an hour. The house is a mess. Which three albums have enough energy to pump you up for the task?
Does it count if I don't own it? Because as a kid, I cleaned to the Pointer Sisters' Break Out.
Enema of the State, Blink 182
Vs., Pearl Jam

4. Name 3 songs you loved from high school. (I loved a bajillion, but here are the first 3 that came to mind.)

"Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nirvana
"Pure," The Lightning Seeds
"Dyslexic Heart," Paul Westerberg

5. Name 3 songs that make you think of your childhood. (Again, these were the first 3 that came to mind.)

"Summer of '69," Bryan Adams
"Goodbye, Stranger," Supertramp
"Day by Day," The Hooters

6. The kid is in bed. Your partner is elsewhere. You have a bottle of wine/pot of tea/case of beer, a great book, and the evening to yourself. What 3 albums are playing in the background?

Steady Pull, Jonatha Brooke
Parachutes, Coldplay
Resigned, Michael Penn

7. Name one new (2005) song, CD, or band that you've "discovered."

I'm so unhip, I haven't discovered anyone, ever. But I like what I've heard of the Fray's How to Save a Life album.

8. Name 3 songs that make you weepy.

"Still Fighting It," Ben Folds
"Anna Begins," Counting Crows
"Pretty Good Year," Tori Amos

9. What song would be your theme song?

"Good Intentions," Toad the Wet Sprocket