Wednesday, June 22, 2005

APL rabid fan club: one member and counting

This missive came via email from pottyphobe today:

I'm so sad. I visited my favorite blog again today, and the writer has not written anything for two whole days! Doesn't she know that I rely on her witty postings to get me through the day? I mean, not to be selfish or anything, and I know she's a busy lawyer, and has a kid and all,... but what about ME?? What am I? Chopped liver? Doesn't she feel one ounce of remorse for making me endure hours upon hours of document review without the enjoyment of one little well-written rant? Maybe a posting about the resurgence of good superhero movies? Or the social injustice of having to buy cases of pre-sorted baby food when you know your child will never eat the "squash", and you'll be left with a year's supply of squashes in your cupboard? Or the many failings of panty hose? I mean... c'mon. A little service, please. Really, she could even write about the death of the service industry in America... how we tip all sorts of people just for bringing us cold food and glaring at us if we ask for a refill of water. Or how I tipped the pizza guy $3 last night and then realized he left the sausage off our pizza... I mean SAUSAGE damn it... that's a key ingredient! Forget the mushrooms if you must, or the onions... but not the sausage! Or how I tipped the leg waxing lady five whole dollars for putting me through excruciating pain, and then leaving me with sporadically spaced leg hairs despite the process... it's like, "Thank you ma'am, I'll pay you $10 extra if you insert needles under my thumbnails."

Ayyyy... I need a vacation.

How's your day going?


This is why I love pottyphobe. And this is why pottyphobe needs her own blog.

So in an effort to keep pottyphobe (who I desperately want to refer to as PP, because I've been reading Weingarten again and because my humor aligns with that of 11-year-old boys) from jumping out of her hermetically sealed office window, here I be.

Person I most want to be left alone in a room with right now: Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone, who had this to say about all women (not just Danica Patrick in particular):

Women should be all dressed in white like all other domestic appliances.


Bernie, when I kick your ass, I promise I'll be dressed entirely in white. Right down to my ultra-white 'n' shiny sneaker that I'll be putting up your ass.

19 Comments:

Blogger halloweenlover said...

This may be my favorite posting yet! I love pottyphobe!!! Definitely needs a blog. I am with you on APL not posting enough. I have been sitting in my (no longer document review and now moving onto drafting sucky agreements) hermetically sealed office window checking APL's blog religiously for updates.

I could dedicate an entire blog to the many failings of panty hose. Like the 3 pairs of panty hose I purchased for $9 each from a store that rhymes with Tan Mailer that tore within 45 f%$#^@ minutes of my putting them on. That would be (9*3=, 9*3=) $27 in pantyhose down the drain!!!

And APL? Wear a white garter belt while kicking his ass too. Thats classy.

8:54 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

and one more thing. I just read the article and did you notice that speaking Spanish was key to car racing?

The things you learn through blogging. I am off to practice my speedy spanish driving on the highway. Buenas Noches.

8:56 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger Phantom Scribbler said...

Clearly Bernie Ecclestone has not shopped for home appliances lately! We come in many designer colors these days! Perhaps you could kick his ass in a tailored ecru ensemble.

10:26 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger Phantom Scribbler said...

Oh, and Pottyphobe needs her own blog. Definitely. We all need Pottyphobe to get her own blog.

10:27 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger corndog said...

Three things:

1) I don't know "pottyphobe" but based upon her email rant, she definitely needs a blog of her own. Tell her she's got a spot on my blogroll already lined up.

2) I agree with pottyphobe that I don't get nearly enough APL. But given my own sporadic posting, can I really complain? Damn straight I can! More APL!

3) Why stop at one ultra-white 'n' shiny sneaker? I think with enough force, they'll both fit up there.

10:27 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger liz said...

Pottyphobe definitely needs a blog. And you definitely need to post more. Did you see how many times I've been here the last two days? Hmmmmm?

And I think you should kick his ass in Cobalt Blue.

10:29 PM, June 22, 2005  
Blogger Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

My husband is an F1 fanatic and I am not -- now especially I am not! Yikes.

2:03 AM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, voice of dissent here. Please, no blog for pottyphobe!! After reading that post, I am fairly confident that I'd be forced to start reading her blog, if she had one, as compulsively as I do this and a handful of others. Which would be very, very bad for my (okay, already dismal) billable hours...

6:45 AM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous blogbelle said...

I believe EVERYONE should have a blog. I don't understand why people don't. APL, I'm a fan, always have been, always will be. But I'm taking the bar...you KNOW how that goes. Oh, it's no fun, no fun at all.

8:26 AM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

I think I've decided my favorite thing about pottyphobe's email:

She puts "squash" in quotes. Suspicious of Gerber much? Hahahaha.

9:38 AM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous pottyphobe said...

Thanks for the votes of confidence, but there is no way in heck I'm getting my own blog because:

1) If I were forced to try to write something interesting everyday, I would fail miserably;

2) I would have yous alls on my back when I failed to post religiously;

3) My lack of posting would make me a hippocrit (don't laugh at my spelling) and thus, I wouldn't be able to call out APL when she failed in her sworn duty to entertain me.

Not to mention, it would give me ENDLESS excuses to procrastinate at work, thus making my billable hours decline further, and getting me fired.

By the way, I LOVE Tan Mailer... but their pantyhose SUCKS! And yes, I think you could fit both feet up Bernie Ecclestone's "ars". (he is British, you know). Did you hear that not only did he make that brainless statement once,... but after all the flack, he actually had the nerve to call Danica Patrick after a 4th place finish (under the guise of "congratulating" her) and then said it a second time to her face! My money's on Danica. Do racing shoes come in ecru?

9:49 AM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Yankee T said...

I am SO happy someone voiced their dismay at a lack of posting from APL! Click back...still no APL...click back...still no APL. I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome from this!

11:17 AM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, solution. Pottyphobe guest posts on occassion when APL has hit a lull. That way APL doesn't get flack for slacking, the world gets the pleasure of pottyphobe's wit, pottyphobe doesn't have to take on the commitment of daily wittiness, and I would not have to *add* a blog to my compulsive read list.

I'm just sayin'...

2:35 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Howdy, Anonymous! I like your solution. (Feel free to make up a name so I can address you as something a bit more personal than "Anonymous." Or feel free to stay truly "Anonymous." Whatever floats your boat.)

4:15 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

And howdy and welcome to Jen! (Phantom Scribbler is so good about welcoming new peopl...er, pixies to her blog. I've got to learn to be more hospitable.)

4:17 PM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous pottyphobe said...

Ooohhh I love the idea of "guest posting". Its kind of like "special guest host" on SNL. Only better.

4:40 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger Susie Sunshine said...

Emails like that just make a blogger's day.

I think into every blog a little Potty Phobe should fall. Or something.

8:04 PM, June 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guest posting sounds good. More time for APL and NSAH to hang out. :)

8:36 PM, June 23, 2005  
Blogger George said...

Two thoughts:

1. Racing a car is not a particularly athletic "sport," so

2. Why does it matter whether a man or a woman is behind the wheel?

*sigh*

3:02 AM, June 24, 2005  

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